It takes more than a fedora to make a “hell” of a burger

So in the past month or two, I got to go to two of the newly-opened upmarket burger joints in the DC area. One is an overhyped version of five guys and the other provides the city’s best burger in a unique atmosphere slightly reminiscent of the “soup nazi.” Let me start with the pretender. Good Stuff Eatery was opened in the summer by Bravo Top Chef runner-up Spike Mendelson. Spike rolled into Capitol Hill, pissed off every other chef in town, opened his place to an enormous amount of hype by DC standards and the crowds soon rolled in. My friend Janna and I decided to check it out. Guess what, Spike, jaunty fedora and all, make a decent burger. It’s as good as Five Guys and that’s okay. Five Guys knows how to make a mean burger. Good Stuff’s fries are fresh and hot and nicely spiced too, a contrast to Five Guys where they leave seasoning the fries to the diner. But is it worth the hype? Not even close. Is it worth the price? Not really. Is it worth the lines many folks still have to face to get dinner there? No way. It’s clearly a model for a future chain operation and it truly shows. When I want a burger, I don’t feel an urge to go a Five Guys knockoff for the “precious set.” But then again, I am a twenty-something who doesn’t wear a fedora all the time.

Let’s move on to the Ray’s Butcher Burger or Ray’s Hell Burger – depending on who you ask. Michael Landrum’s new burger place is located a few steps down from his flagship steakhouse Ray’s the Steaks in between Rosslyn and Courthouse. The first thing you notice is that it’s unmarked. There’s no sign indicating that the little narrow shop is in fact the restaurant. Once inside, you order at a counter from a selection of restaurant-selected combos or you can select your own from a well-chosen list of homemade toppings and premium cheeses. You better have cash, because that’s all they take.

I got a simple burger with a slice of Vermont white cheddar on top. It was simply amazing. While it’s very true that almost anyone with half a brain can make a great burger at home, most folks can’t make a great a burger this the quality of meat that Hell Burger uses. See, the beef that they grind are the extra bits from the steakhouse next-door. That, and the sublime cheeses, make all the difference. It is quite simply the most flavorful burger I’ve ever had. Yes, it does flood the bun with juices, making it hard to eat, but who cares? It’s that good.

My brother had a slightly different experience. He ordered a burger covered in jalepenos and with something called piranha sauce. He loved it. It didn’t love him back. I’ll leave it at that.

The atmosphere of the place is eccentric. The walls are covered with horror b-movie posters, the line forces you to order quickly and seating is very, very limited. Oh yeah, they choose the sides you recieve such as corn or watermelon but they don’t have fries. But again, who cares? The burgers are that good. Sure, you can get a better burger at a 4-5 star steakhouse somewhere. But this one only costs $8 or so.

I think that Landrum’s eccentric restaurants are so fun because they’re so different and the food is just so good. Good Stuff Eatery is just good enough to make it slighty unique, but so generic as to make it ripe for expansion or franchising. We spend so much time eating in corporate, generic, streamlined, focus-grouped blah restaurants, that when something as truly unique as Ray’s Hell Burger comes along, we really ought to support it.

If you like meat whatsoever, you need to try this place. If you like burgers the way Wimpy liked burgers, you need to try this place. If you think you make the best burger on your home grill, you need to try this place.

I know Sam and I normally recommend stranger, more ethnic places off the beaten path. This isn’t one of those places. You have no excuse for not trying it. It’s simply that good.